Merging the blogs!

While struggling with SIF, I kept this separate pregnancy journal to catalogue our struggles and our joys when I finally got pregnant.  It was a pretty private struggle we were experiencing, so only our closest friends & family, as well as my bump family, were aware of this very emotional and special blog.  During my pregnancy, however, I also neglected our Scherman family blog.  So...since I'm on maternity leave, I decided to finally update that family blog (bringing us into the Spring hopefully soon) and try to merge the two blogs.  I thought it was time.  Since this blog is about only my pregnancy, postpartum recovery and the arrival of Bryn...but we are now a family of four...I thought I should go back to the scherman family blog from now on.  So...I provided the link to this pregnancy journal blog on my family blog website.  From now on, I'll be updating our progress on the family blog (so please follow the new site like you followed this one!!!)

http://www.schermanfamily.blogspot.com/

Lots of love!  The Scherman family of four :)

2 weeks old!

It's been a tiring but amazing 2 weeks!  We <3 this girl :)

Here are a few things we've learned about you thusfar:

1. You hate to be swaddled!  You like those arms free and those legs curled up and crossed.  Swaddling just isn't conducive to that position.

2. You're a very loud sleeper, grunting, wimpering and twitching constantly.  It definitely keeps mommy up. 

3. When you make your sour-puss face you have four wrinkles that go across your entire forehead...it's adorable :)

4.  You are so incredibly strong it's a fight to get your clothes on and off.  If you wouldn't fight us so badly, we could change you more quickly so you didn't get so cold.

5. You can hold your binky in all by yourself, although I think it's because you're trying your best to suck your thumb, but can't seem to find it.

6. You're much gassier than your big brother, and we have to figure out quickly why so we can fix your poor little tummy.  Mommy promises to figure out what she's eating that is making you so uncomfortable.

7.  You get hiccups at least 5 times a day, poor girl! :)

8.  You have the longest fingers and toes.  I think it's one part of mommy you might actually have.

9.  Unless you're cold, you have the tiniest little wimper cry.  You have a great set of lungs on ya, but you save it for special occasions only (thanks for that by the way)

I'm sure there's more...I'll add as I think of things.  Bryn is just amazing, and we're having so much fun getting to know her.

Happy Due Date!

Today is my due date!  It's amazing that my baby girl has been here almost 2 weeks now, and I'm just reaching my due date.  I'm so incredibly grateful I've had this time with her, considering I was only going to have a maximum of 6 weeks before I headed back to work, and one of those weeks was supposed to be waiting for her to arrive.  Bryn knew that mommy had a timetable, and she came in perfect time.  I vowed that I would cherish and remember every day I had home with her, as it went so incredibly fast with my son and was such a blur.  Here is a little picture timetable of her first 12 days in our family (brace yourself for lots of pix!). 

Welcome to the world Brynleigh Anne <3

 Meeting the grandparents - Grams

 Granddad

 Mimi

Papa

Tyler meeting his little sister

He's so excited

 Meeting Auntie Cindy & Uncle Brent

"I'm a big brother" :)

Ty loves Bryn already (this made mommy cry!)

 Getting ready to go home - yippee

 We're finally all home together...our little family of 4

 Ty entertaining Bryn already...melts my heart

 I'm 1 week old!

 Pesky bilirubin blanket - 48 hours of hell :( (at least for mommy)

 Brynleigh's "go to" position...clearly this is how she was curled up inside me

 Tyler's daily "can I hold her" moment...is he not the cutest?!

 Bryn with more awake time during the day (usually 4pm - 11pm)

 Our last day with Grams (and yes I did cry when she left) 

 3 generations...can you say shopping?!

 Easter prep

 HAPPY EASTER! 

 Bryn's first pretty dress (it was mine when I was a baby too!) - on our way to church

 Easter dinner with Mimi and Papa

 Sacked out on her first day alone with Mommy

Not-so-Happy Anniversary

Despite all the highs we are experiencing welcoming Brynleigh into the world, we can't help but think of our sweet baby that we lost this day one year ago.  It was one of most heartbreaking days of my life.  I had just announced to my parents that we were finally expecting a baby in December (after much struggling), my son even donned a "Big Brother" shirt for the occasion.  It was going to be an exciting and happy weekend, as we were together for the wedding of my cousin.  I was to also serve as the MOH.  On this day one year ago, I ran errands with the bride and wedding party floating on air, knowing we had this exciting secret.  I remember crying with relief when I got the BFP.  But it all abruptly ended when I began bleeding in the bathroom at Panera.  I was shaking and crying uncontrollably as I called my husband and mom from the bathroom stall.  Our worst fears came true later that day and into the next.  I had lost the baby.  Even typing this horrible memory makes me sick to my stomach.  If it wasn't for my duties as a MOH, I believe I would have stayed on the floor curled up in a ball and crying uncontrollably for days.  God chooses his moves wisely.  He knew there was something wrong with this baby, so he took him/her knowing that although I might not be able to handle it on a normal day, I could be strong in this particular situation.  Today, as I look at my beautiful baby girl, I can't imagine any little girl more perfect for me.  I mourn the loss of the child I never knew, but I am thankful God knew Brynleigh was "my" baby. 

The angel picked just for me

My (very long) Birth Story

I spent a long time writing this down...so read it...skim it...or don't.  It's my blog that will serve as my pregnancy journal, so this post is for me :)  If you can get through it...enjoy :)

The Birth Story of Brynleigh Anne Scherman

Thursday, April 14^th, 2011 @ 5:42pm

6 lbs 15.6 oz, 20 ¾” long

I was about 38 weeks pregnant when the signs of impending labor began.  The Friday beforehand, I had contractions at work all day long.  On Tuesday, April 12^th, I had a routine midwife appointment.  My midwife, Stacy, decided to give me an internal exam to check my progress so we could finally set up a date for my induction.  I was interested in an induction date sometime in my 39^th week because Tyler was so big.  I was very concerned about having another large baby and being forced to get a c-section.  I was very adamant about wanting a vaginal delivery.  When Stacy checked me, she said I was about 1.5cm dialated and 50% effaced.  This was good news, because that meant I was progressing on my own and would be a good candidate for induction.  Stacy and I settled on Friday, April 22^nd (Good Friday) as my induction date.  I was to go into the hospital at 7:30am and they would start pitocin.  Stacy stressed that they would only give me pitocin for 12 hours and if I hadn’t progressed enough or didn’t respond to the drug, I would go home and we would try again on the 27^th.  We both felt confident I would respond well, however, since I was induced with Tyler and it went so smoothly.  So I assumed baby girl was arriving on Good Friday.  That felt incredible to have an “end date”.  I felt relieved, calm and ready to tackle the last few days of work.  After my appointment, I started to get pretty painful cramps.  It was a new sensation I hadn’t had before, but Stacy had warned me of possible bleeding and cramps as the result of my internal, so I just chalked it up to side effects of that.

On Wednesday at work, I just felt really “off”.  I had felt so great the past few days, so I was pretty sure it was a sign that the baby was coming.  Right before lunch, I lost what I thought was my mucous plug, or what is also commonly called “bloody show”.  I knew it was the plug because I didn’t bleed a drop during any part of my pregnancy, and all of a sudden I had some blood and lots of discharge.  This was almost exactly 24 hours before all the action happened on Thursday.  The remainder of Wednesday I just felt tired and nauseous and lots of pressure.  I went to the gym, but cramped the entire time I was on the treadmill.  Mike, Ty and I also went to Cindy’s house (my sister-in-law) for dessert to celebrate my inlaws’ joint birthdays that Wednesday night.  I was trying to be perky, but I was really struggling.  At one point, I even had to lay down.  This is very unlike me.  I just knew things were happening.  I called my mom from Tuesday on and told her things were moving along and to be on alert. It ended up that I was right!

38 weeks and 2 days came.  On Thursday, April 14^th, I woke up still feeling tired and off.  My belly was really compact and was just one big cramp all morning long.  It was definitely different.  I went about my day, even lecturing for 50 minutes during my first block.  All the while, however, I was completely contracted into a hard ball, and uncomfortable. It was written all over my face.  After my 1^st block students left, I sat down on my padded stool and got my 2^nd block kids working on putting their homework answers on the white board.  As I sat there calling on and correcting them, I felt a pop and a little gush.  Thank God I was sitting down and had decided to wear some comfy granny panties that day J.  I carefully made my way over to my desk chair, without attracting attention, and started calling other staff members to come cover my class so I could head to the bathroom and see what was up.  No one was answering. I started to shake with nervousness. Finally my friend and fellow staff member, who supports my class as an intervention specialist, walked into my room. I just looked at her, and she knew something was up. “What’s wrong” she asked.  I waved her over and put my homework key in front of my face. “I think my water just broke.  Can you keep the kids going while I go to the bathroom to check?”. So I carefully waddled to the door while yelling to the kids “I’ll be right back”.  When I got to the bathroom I had a slow leak going. When I checked my underwear I clearly had lot of water and some light pink tinged discharge. Something was up. I stuck my head into my assistant principals office and said “Is it okay if I use the conference room to call my doctor?  I think something is going on”.  I called my midwife practice and explained to the nurse what happened. She said “happy labor day hon, you need head to the hospital”. “Really?  Oh my God” was my response.  I tried my mom’s cell phone, but she didn’t answer.  I knew it was important to her and me that she try to make the birth, so I called her secretary and said “This is ______ daughter, my water broke and I’m in labor so if she wants to make the birth she needed to get in the car”.  I got off the phone, told my assistant principal I was in labor and had to go, checked in with the secretaries to make sure my classes were covered, and headed downstairs to collect my things.  “You’re my lucky class, I’m gonna have a baby today” is what I said to my students when I arrived in my room.  I made some calls to be sure my students were taught the material they needed, gave directions for my current block, tried to calm them down, refused all their offers to carry me to my car (lol) and headed out.  When I got into my car I realized, I’m in labor and I’m driving MYSELF home.  What’s wrong with this picture? I also realized, holy crap…we’re having this baby TODAY!  I called my hubby and we made a plan that if contractions started (they hadn’t yet) or if they got too painful, I would pull to the side of the road, call him, and he’d come and get me.  As of now, our plan was to meet at home, collect our hospital bag, and head down to the hospital. 

About 5 minutes from home, the contractions started.  They weren’t too painful, but they were coming about 3 minutes apart. I knew this was it!  When I got home I wanted to clean up my house, pick up Ty’s toys, wipe my counters, etc.  Mike brought me back down to reality and got me focused on the task at hand. We threw in the last few items and headed to the hospital.  Right when I got into the car the really painful contractions started.  We started timing and writing them down, they were coming 2.5-3 minutes apart, they were painful and different than braxton hicks, and in a very regular pattern. I was in labor!!!  When we got to the hospital and the L&D floor they were out of rooms and there were 2 girls in front of me that hadn’t been registered yet.  As my contractions were coming 2 minutes apart, they made us wait in the waiting room!!!  Mike was pissed.  After about 20 minutes, his patience ran out.  He went to ask, and they finally started my registration.  In those 20 minutes I had realized that my midwife was on-call that day.  This was a huge relief for me because she was only on-call 1 day a week for 24 hours.  She had just started her 24-hour shift at 7am, so I would probably be able to have her deliver my baby.  That was very exciting, as she also delivered my son.  I sent Stacy a text telling her I was in labor, and I think she was involved in moving things along to get me registered.  I got a room on the “old side” of L&D.  They had to move me rooms because the outlets weren’t working in the first one, then they couldn’t get the bed working.  It was comical. I got into my hospital gown and got checked in, all along contracting every 2 minutes.  Boy did they hurt.  Stacy arrived and checked me.  She said my membranes did rupture for sure (I wasn’t crazy) and that I was about 3cm dilated and 90% effaced.  This was great news…baby was coming.  She first told me it would likely be a birth after midnight, she didn’t know how fast I would progress.  They decided to let me progress on my own for a few hours, before jump-starting with pitocin.  The nurse said I had to wait at least another hour until the IV meds were flushed into my body before I was able to get an epidural.  I believe we checked into the hospital around 11:00-11:30am, which meant the epidural wouldn’t arrive until around 1pm.  I struggled through the contractions, joked in between and made the necessary calls/texts to let people know what was happening.  I got out my book and ipad to pass the time. 

They were to come back to check my in 2 hours, and would order the epidural after the IV meds were in.  Finally, the anesthesiologist arrived (insert harp) and it took FOREVER to get the epidural in.  I’m not sure if I was just much calmer this time, in less pain than with Ty, or if this doctor was truly the slowest anesthesiologist on the planet, but man…the process was a long one.  I breathed through the contractions as the epidural was applied, then after about 5 to 10 minutes, I could no longer feel the contractions.  (whoot whoot!).  I didn’t remember such heavy and tingly legs with Ty.  It felt so weird, and a bit scary, considering I am incredibly claustrophobic.  I was just concentrating on the fact that the pain was gone, and not freaking out about not being able to even bend my knees when my socks slipped off.  At one point my left leg fell over the bed and I was having a very hard time picking it up and getting it back on the bed, and that was the time that my hubby was in the cafeteria getting food. 

Meanwhile, my parents were racing into town from Chicago.  My mom left first, as my Dad had to figure out what to do with the dog.  My dad arrived just shy of 2 hours later.  I was just hoping they’d make the birth.  My in-laws were coming down after picking up our son from day care, hopefully everyone was arriving around dinnertime, which according to my midwife would be in plenty of time for the birth.  At first Stacy said that our little girl might be an April 15^th baby, because my progression was slow.  Two hours after the epidural, I was only 4cm, this was around 2:30pm.  The nurse decided to move my bed into a sitting position, with my legs bent at the knees, like I was sitting in a chair.  It wasn’t very comfortable, but both the nurse and Stacy thought if we put a bit of gravity to work, the pressure of her head would help me progress.  At first I thought I’d be there until the next check in two hours, but after an hour they let me lay back down propped up on one side.  Gravity was a God-sent, as I was now 7 cm!!!  I had progressed 3 cm in 2 hours! This check occurred around 4:30pm.  My mom arrived soon after, thank God!  I was so happy to see her!  We still thought it might be a while.  Boy were we wrong!

Around 5, I started to feel the contractions on my right side.  At first I thought I could power though them, but as they got more and more painful, I started to get really scared about how pushing would feel if I could feel so much on my right side.  I informed the nurse and Stacy of my pain, and they called the anesthesiologist to give me another dose.  He arrived 5:15pm, it was another drug angel, but I was happy to see him just the same.  This is where my birth story gets a bit embarrassing, but since I’m being honest about every single detail, here goes… As the doctor was administering the syringe of the epidural to my IV, I felt a little pressure and heard a little pop.  After the doctor left I said to my hubby and mom “I think I’m bleeding”.  I thought that the pressure and pop was tons of blood coming out.  I was wrong.  I put my hand down near my “bottom” to see if there was blood and I pulled out (wait for it) a little golf-ball-sized poop (blush).  “It’s a poop…oh my God it’s a poop” I squealed.  I just started to laugh uncontrollably, so hard that I was crying.  The nurses thought I was screaming and came in to check on me, and I had to inform them I had just pooped.  LOL!  Mike was kind enough to collect the poop and roll me over to check if I had more, while wiping my behind (awe thanks honey!).  I was still laughing.  It was a story that made it all the way around L&D, all the nurses mentioned they “heard my story”, oh great! J  Stacy decided to check me at that point, since she had rushed in to check on me when she thought I was screaming, when I put my legs out she gasped.  “Oh girl, there’s hair here, look Mike there’s her hair, you’re ready to go”.  I was like huh?!  It was only 30 minutes ago that I was only 7cm, now I’m ready to push.  Oh my God!  Stacy thought that when baby girl came down the birth canal, she pushed on my colon, and I dilated the rest of the way.  The nurses rushed to get the room ready and we were going to push until another patient down the hall started screaming, and my midwife and L&D nurse rushed to check on her since I was “comfortable”, or so they said.  Really?  I mean I have blond baby hair hanging out of my vag and you’re telling me to hold on a sec?  Alrighty then.  I still was in shock it was going to happen soon.  As I layed there waiting, my Dad finally arrived (he made it!!) and waiting in the waiting room for the action, which was to happen at any moment.  I started to psyche myself up to push, as this is why I worked out so hard, to be sure I was in great shape for delivery. 

Stacy and a new L&D nurse came back in around 5:30pm, and they put my legs in the stirrups and got themselves ready fairly quickly.  I was starting to feel pressure, but praying that last dose of the epidural had kicked in.  Stacy said to just accept it probably didn’t, as we didn’t have time to wait.  Oh great!  I said to them as they put my legs in the stirrups “I hope you’re gonna put my legs way up there because there’s no way I’m getting my legs up there on my own”.  I was in great spirits.  So the story has been pretty long so far, full of water breaking stories, poop, etc…you’d think the delivery would be equally as long and eventful…nope!  Stacy asked me to give her a big push, which I did.  “Whoa” she said “too big, half a push, half a push”.  I was like what??  I worked out and prepped for this delivery, and now I don’t even need it?  I was still laughing about the embarrassing poop story and my midwife said “wow girl, you’re going to laugh this baby out, I’m serious”.  Then after a push and a laugh they were suctioning.  I was like, “what’s happening”.  “We’re suctioning her nose and mouth”, Stacy replied.  “What, her head’s out?”  She also had the umbilical cord wrapped around her neck once, but my midwife said it was loose.  Then she asked for one more half push, and Brynleigh Anne came into the world at 5:42pm.  She was so little compared to Tyler. Ty was 9lbs, and Bryn was only 6lbs 15.6oz and 20 ¾ inches long.  They layed her on my chest and I remember asking two questions 1. Where’s the rest of her (she was just a tiny little peanut) and 2. Wait, is she really a girl?  (she was!).  With my son I cried uncontrollably when he was born.  Bryn came into the world so fast I was still processing my delivery was over, completely in shock, when she was already here!  It was unreal how quickly she arrived.  I was just so happy to be able to hold her for a few minutes when she was born, as I didn’t get to do that with Ty because he had swallowed a bunch of amniotic fluid and was whisked to the NICU right after delivery.  After a few minutes, they took her over to clean her up and take all her vitals.  It seemed like forever, and since the delivery was all a blur, I was very jealous everyone was able to see what she looked like and I was still wondering. 

As far as my condition, the placenta came out without any issues, I even forgot about that part (as I did with my son).  My midwife said I had a very small tear, but she didn’t stitch it because she thought the stitches would do more harm than good.  She thought I’d recover more quickly without the stitches.  Brynleigh didn’t even have a cone-head, because she rocketed out of the birth canal so quickly. She had a ton of vernix caseosa on her, since she was almost 2 weeks early, but otherwise she was the most perfect little princess I had ever seen.  She had a full head of blond hair, and looked a lot like my son, just a more petite version.  We hadn’t decided on a middle name yet, but when I called her Brynleigh Anne, it just felt right.

We had to be wheeled down to the maternity floor in bed because 10 minutes before delivery they had administered another dose of the epidural, unaware the delivery would occur so soon after and be so quick.  I got to hold Bryn and Tyler as they wheeled me down.  It was so incredible to still have her in my arms and not out of my sight for a minute after delivery.  That was such a special experience I didn’t get to have with my son.  Overall, the experience was so perfect, special and unique.  It was completely different than my experience having Tyler.  Having Ty was equally special, but in a completely different way.  It makes me so happy I was able to go into labor, have my water break, not have to use pitocin and let things progress completely naturally, on her terms with her timetable.  I was also so grateful I was able to have skin-to-skin contact right after delivery, and have her in my arms the remainder of the night.  I’m sad my in-laws missed the birth, but I am so grateful Bryn held off to be sure my mom was in the delivery room again.  The entire experience was perfection! 

Recovery has also been incredibly easy, in comparison to my recovery with Tyler.  With Ty I cried when I peed, was afraid to poop, had to sit on a donut, was on pain medication and really took a long time to be on my feet and moving.  With Bryn, I felt really great the next day.  I am having the normal bleeding and some uterine contractions/cramping, but peeing and pooping were easy, bleeding is normal, and I was up out of my bed and mobile the minute I got my feeling back in my legs.  I’m very grateful to have recovered fairly quickly.  I think the most painful part about recovery has been the engorgement, which is finally under control.  I also do not enjoy the night sweats, which started about a week after delivery.  I have to sleep on a towel, and get up to change my pjs at least once a night.  I also think my uterus has shrunk much more quickly with this one.  I am hoping it is the result of all my hard work in the gym. 

As far as emotionally, I have my moments.  Most of the time I’m the happiest mommy alive.  However, sometimes I get a short fuse when Tyler pushes my buttons or when I feel like I’m repeating myself to anyone in my life.  Ty is definitely doing some attention-seeking behavior, which can be unpredictable and difficult.  Brynleigh, however, has been a model newborn.  She only cries when she really wants or needs something.  She is a very chill baby, who rarely cries.  Breastfeeding is going very well, as I have always been a milk factory.  She was on a bili blanket for 48 hours and we had to go to the Children’s Hospital lab 4 days in a row to get her bilirubin checked, due to her jaundice numbers.  Otherwise, it’s been smooth-sailing.  We are sleep-deprived and can have short fuses, but things are going as good as to be expected for such a huge life change.  We are over-the-moon in love with our little princess.   Watching Tyler and Bryn together is also very heartwarming.  I also can’t believe I’m saying this but, I’m not sure I’m done.  I can’t shut the door on the possibility of a 3^rd baby.  I know my husband wouldn’t agree with me just yet, but I am keeping that door open, just a crack, for now.  I still plan to get the IUD implant at my next appt, but I was always told that when you have your last baby you know you’re done.  I just don’t.  I guess we’ll see.  For now, we’ll enjoy our perfect little family of four.  I’m so excited to get to know who she is and what she will look like as she grows into herself.  It’s so exciting to look forward to all the milestones we experienced with Tyler.  I’m just in awe I was given this gift, after all my struggles.  God truly is good! 

Postpartum Body

Since this might be our last baby, I thought I'd document how I look at various times postpartum.  We don't own a scale (which I now wish we did)...so I'll go by look, until I get to the gym to check out my weight.  So...here I am in all my lovely glory just 36 hours after having Brynleigh.  I was still in the hospital at this time. 

5 days postpartum (don't forget I now have porno boobs...thank you engorgement). 

I hate maternity jeans and can't wait to get back in my own.  I just don't think they are flattering...AT ALL!  :(  Oh well.  It hasn't even been a week.  I gotta stop being so hard on myself.  ::sigh::

1 week postpartum (even in the same outfit)

Update:  At 9 days PP, I went back to the gym.  It was very intimidating, and I think it might have been a bit too early, as I bled very heavily afterwards.  However, it felt good to feel human again.  I also finally weighed myself.  I'm down 20 lbs from my last weigh-in before having Bryn.  That means I have about 13lbs to go. 

Dreams do Come True

From this...

to this!!! 

Life is good!